October 20, 2011
Alpha Phi Ivy Man Preview
In case you missed it last week, mark your calendars for tomorrow night's Alpha Phi Ivy Man Competition! This week I've kept it short and sweet, giving you the nitty gritty of what you need to know for the big event.
When: Friday, October 21st
Where: Alice Statler Auditorium
Time: 7:00 p.m.
What: In this all-male beauty pageant Cornell’s most eligible undergraduates will compete for the supreme title of “Alpha Phi Ivy Man.”
Ticket Price: $10 (Tickets can be purchased from Alpha Phi sisters on Ho Plaza or RPCC or by contacting Elyse Frank at email@example.com.)
The Events: Choreographed dance, swimsuit portion, individual talent, final interviews.
The Charity: Cardiac Care
Thanks To: Event Coordinator Kathryn Fideler
Now, take one last look at the contestants before their stage debut!
Ben Michael Schneid
Using his Industrial Labor Relations degree, Ben hopes to represent sexually harassed electricians in the court of law. His hobbies include writing his own music, protesting hydrofracking, and teaching his TEP brothers the importance of hitting a perfect sack fly. Watch out ladies, his acoustic rendition of "Fade into Darkness" can make any maiden tremble.
Karim Daw is a second year architecture student and loving brother of the Delta Chi fraternity. This foreign hunk comes all the way from Vienna Austria. Ladies beware, Karim sweet talks his way with the ladies with his fluence in four languages. A fiery Leo who volunteers with the local fire department, he is ready to rescue a damsel in distress or coax a cat out of a tree in any language.
Nate Goldman is a sophomore biological engineer who hails from Needham, Massachusetts. When this sensitive brother of the fraternity Sigma Pi isn't swooning girls with his charming guitar ability, he can be found nursing sick puppies back to health and rescuing starving kittens from tall trees. At this year's Ivy Man, he will be bearing it all in his favorite gold spandex and breaking some hearts with a few serenades. Watch out because this Ivy Man has a voice and body that cannot be beat.
Introducing Tom Randall, senior track athlete from the “Dirty Jerz.” Known my many as the “2-A.M.-Texter” and known by few as the “Notebook-Quoting-Crybaby,” he was once seen naked in the clock tower, and seen naked many times elsewhere on campus. Give it up for this wild animal that should either be locked up or on the cover of men's fitness magazine, Tom Randall
Evan Maclin, a tall, dark, and handsome sophomore from Southern California, is an AEM major in CALS and the chillest brother of the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity. He enjoys surfing and playing football, and you can usually find him doing spontaneous backflips, casually running across campus just because, and being the only shirtless guy at any party.
A part-time lover and a full-time friend, Gabe is best described by the people that know him as a majestic spirit with a penchant for community service. When he isn't transposing pro-vegan literature into brail, Gabe enjoys teaching tantric yoga to divorcees. His pet peeves include bottled water, farm-raised fish, and ignorance.
Jonathan Champagne of Wilmington, Delaware is a junior studying Economics and Music. As a brother of Phi Kappa Psi fraternity as well as a member of the Varsity Men's Swimming and Track teams, Champagne is well rounded- in all the right places. He is a master masseuse, a musical genius, and an expert in the drink that shares his name. With everything Jonathan's got, he is sure to race through ladies' hearts, both on land and in the water. His performance and talent in the Ivy Man pageant will have you yearning for some strawberries to go with your Champagne.
Andrew Philip Sauvageau is a sophomore pre-med student in the School of Human Ecology. He is a dedicated oarsman on the Cornell rowing team and is proud to hail from the city of Buffalo. Numerous times, Andrew has been described as a taller Orlando Bloom- with better looks and dancing abilities, of course. Andrew is on the fast track to success: by the young age of nineteen, he has already shook President Obama’s hand-twice. Andrew’s other talents include remaining on his feet after fifty shots, successfully completing the gallon challenge, and dancing “the Creep.” Andrew’s advice for aspiring stud-muffins? "Stop using lady-scented body wash- use Old Spice. I’m not saying this body wash will make you into a romantic millionaire jet-fighter pilot, but I am insinuating it- look what it’s done for me. I’m on a horse."
Elias Tecumseh Barber
Elias Tecumseh Barber of Middleburgh, New York is a Junior in the College of Agriculture and Life Science majoring in Agricultural Science. He is a dedicated brother of the Sigma Chi Fraternity and plays wing for the Cornell Club Rugby team. A man of many skills, some of which he learned on the family farm, Elias is always equipped to hotwire a Volvo, wrestle a dangerous canine, or parallel park a tractor. While he has always been an excellent swing-dancer, lip-packing champion, and beholder of a chiseled physique, his moustache is a recent development, and a favorite of the ladies.
Johnny “J5” Simpson hails from Hauppauge, New York and is an Applied Economics and Management major in CALS. In his spare time, J5 schools bros on the basketball court and drops hot beats. In fact, he composes his own music- writing songs and playing the piano and drums. A wise man once pondered, “Ask not why we call him J5, but why J5 calls himself ‘J5.’”
Patrick and Michael Walsh
What do Gisele Bundchen, Ashton Kutcher, Scarlet Johansen and Patrick and Michael Walsh have in common besides having to constantly wonder if there’s more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking? They’re all twins! With the dreamiest blue eyes on campus, locally grown fruit has never looked THIS good. Patrick and Michael Walsh are -sophomore mechanical engineers, meaning this two-for-one special has the brains and the looks whilst channeling an irresistible charisma from their inner honey badgers. When they’re not busy helping old ladies cross the street or pondering the depths of the universe, these sexy gentlemen like to sweat it out on the basketball courts outside their grand ole fraternity house, Psi Upsilon.
Jake Michaels is a freshman in the Hotel School from Laguna Beach, California. Jake is a tennis-playing love-machine with a body sculpted from the gods. As a dedicated player, Jake is willing to play the court until he scores, and he always knows where the sweet spot is. He considers himself a rugged outdoorsmen who enjoys getting dirty and is never afraid to use his teeth.
Devon is a junior studying English, law and society. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.